No More Mediocre: A Conversation with Laura Danger

Welcome to the Modern Husbands podcast, where any combination of Dr. Bruce Ross, Christian Sherrill, and Brian Page host national experts who share winning ideas to manage money and the home as a team.

I’m Brian Page, founder of Modern Husbands. Sometimes our listeners want more support than a podcast can give, individual or couple support, which I provide as an Accredited Financial Counselor and Fair Play Facilitator. Details can be found at modernhusbands.com.

For today’s episode we welcome Laura Danger, a licensed educator, facilitator, and domestic-equity advocate who has collaborated with the Fair Play team and is known on social media as @ThatDarnChat. Her book, No More Mediocre: A Call to Reimagine Our Relationships and Demand More, combines candid interviews, personal stories, and research to expose how unpaid domestic labor — and dynamics like “weaponized incompetence” — shape inequity in relationships. 

In today’s conversation we explore the complexities of emotional labor in relationships, the importance of communication, and strategies for creating equitable home systems. Laura also shares insights from her book, emphasizing the need for curiosity and intentionality in relationships, and offers actionable advice for couples seeking to enhance their connection and reduce resentment.

Enjoy the show.

Show Questions

00:00 Introduction

01:53 Let’s start with sharing with the audience a little bit about you and your family. 

03:36 In the book, you describe the moment you and Jack realized you were stuck in a loop: you carried the mental load, and he felt unsure how to jump in. What helped you both break that pattern?

06:31 You write about the “Nag Paradox” and how women become narrators of their partner’s tasks. What is the first step for couples stuck in that dynamic?

09:50 Can you define emotional labor and explain why it is so difficult to shoulder?

12:30 You say conflict isn’t something to avoid, but an opportunity for connection and clarity. How can couples begin treating conflict as collaboration?

15:28 You talk about good faith a lot. How can couples distinguish “won’t do” from “doesn’t know how yet?”

20:04 What is weaponized incompetence and can you provide gender stereotypical examples of men and women doing it?

29:55 You and Jack implemented meetings, shared task reviews, and even safe words for stressful conversations. What changes were most transformative?

33:17 Many couples think they need “more help,” when what they actually need is systems.
What does a functional, equitable home system look like in practice?

37:12 Where do you see the most immediate wins for couples who want to reduce resentment and increase connection?

41:08 What would you say to a man who genuinely wants to “do more” but feels overwhelmed or afraid of getting it wrong?

44:08 If every listener could adopt one habit this week to make their relationship less mediocre and more connected, what would it be?

45:00 Where can listeners purchase your book and learn more about you?

Purchase the book: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/737921/no-more-mediocre-by-laura-dang

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction
• 1:53 Let’s start with sharing with the audience a little bit about you and your family.
• 3:36 In the book, you describe the moment you and Jack realized you were stuck in a loop: you carried the mental load, and he felt unsure how to jump in. What helped you both break that pattern?
• 6:31 You write about the “Nag Paradox” and how women become narrators of their partner’s tasks. What is the first step for couples stuck in that dynamic?
• 9:50 Can you define emotional labor and explain why it is so difficult to shoulder?
• 12:31 You say conflict isn’t something to avoid, but an opportunity for connection and clarity. How can couples begin treating conflict as collaboration?
• 15:28 You talk about good faith a lot. How can couples distinguish “won’t do” from “doesn’t know how yet?”
• 20:04 What is weaponized incompetence and can you provide gender stereotypical examples of men and women doing it?
• 29:55 You and Jack implemented meetings, shared task reviews, and even safe words for stressful conversations. What changes were most transformative?
• 33:17 Many couples think they need “more help,” when what they actually need is systems. What does a functional, equitable home system look like in practice?
• 37:12 Where do you see the most immediate wins for couples who want to reduce resentment and increase connection?
• 41:08 What would you say to a man who genuinely wants to “do more” but feels overwhelmed or afraid of getting it wrong?
• 44:08 If every listener could adopt one habit this week to make their relationship less mediocre and more connected, what would it be?
• 45:00 Where can listeners purchase your book and learn more about you?